There is no failure, just feedback. 

A point in my NLP training that came up just recently, and struck me deeply. 

How can it be that there is no failure? I was taught that not going to university is failure. 

That being the second, and not first is failure. 

That not having a partner that fits perfectly in societies views is failure. 

That not having a strong career but making a living by following my heart is failure. 

That not having a perfect body is failure. 

That not following the ways of society is, after all, failure. 

I do catch myself often enough being harsh on myself for not having finished my master. For not following the career and chasing the money. For not choosing the same-age same-income same-looks partner. For not having a Victoria secret body. 

Our society is based on success and failure. One is good, the other ones bad. Jobs, relationships, family, habits… Seeing things as either good or bad, we are quite quick in putting a label on it. It needs to be one or the other whilst we often forget that there is so much more in between. 

Growth. Progress. Experience. 

All those things are somewhere in between failure and success. All those things ARE failure and success at the same time. I want to go one step further here: what do failure and success, as we define them in our society, in common? 

They are both based on an either positive or negative feedback coming from the external world, our environment. As failure is negative feedback and success positive feedback I want to put it to you like this: there is no failure, nor success, just feedback. 

This feedback may make you feel in a certain way, might lift you up or slam you down. But either way: you gain knowledge. You will approach a similar challenge with another strategy if the feedback was negative, or remain with the same if it was positive. 

Instead of failing and succeeding,transforming from that black-or-white mentality into a let’s-grow-from-feedback mentality helped me, to stabilize my perception of the world. 

Ups and downs of failure and success as a wild roller coaster are now overwritten by a slight, but constantly rising learning curve coming from taking feedback as it is, regardless of any labels, and using it as a tool of growth. 

Coming from a loving perspective accepting and taking on responsibility for the result of your actions and rather taking the response of the environment as feedback than as criticism leads you to a place full of potential, opening up millions of chances for you to create whatever you desire. Using this feedback as a boost in confidence, as a chance to practice positive self-talk and loving kindness is your path to creating a reality in there you are enough. Not craving for more with destructive attachment to the outcome, but simply evolving into a process of trusting that the absence of failure and success will create nothing but pure joy.